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    How do you cope with your adult children fighting

    Conversation started by sad mum 57 ruth

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    My adult children are fighting at the moment.  i am caught in the middle of it all.

    i don't know how to handle the situation and resolve it so that we can have a normal happy

    family life.does anyone have any suggestions on how i can deal with it.

    this situation is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety and i don't have anyone that i can

    talk it through with not even my husband as when i cry in front of him, he gets angry

    and i feel that i have to hide my emotions which is not healthy

    please help if you can

    sad mum 57

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    beyondblue

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    beyondblue is a national, independent, not-for-profit organisation working to address issues associated with depression, anxiety and related disorders in Australia. beyondblue is a bipartisan initiative ... View Profile
    Hi Ruth,



    Unfortunately, not everything is within our control.  Having two adult children who fight constantly is not doubt distressing for you, and whilst you may try to mediate the situation for a while or make things better, ultimatley this is beyond your control and it is up to them to work it out.



    What you can control however, is the level of distress it is causing you.  You can let them know how much is distresses you and that if they are going to continue fighting it is not something that you want to be exposed to or drawn into.  You can suggest they seek professional help for mediation but ultimately this is their decision, and as two adults they need to take responsibility for this.



    You need to put your energies into you and looking after yourself.  I know it is hard and you hope and wish for a family where everyone gets on, however, there is no point invisting your energy and emotion into this when you cannot do anything about their behaviour. 



    I would begin by having the conversation ith each of them and maybe involve your husband and let them know the impact it is having on you and your relationship with your husband.  If they are going to continue and not make any changes as a result, then you ask that they respect your needs and ensure that you are not involved in these discussions.



    You need to focus on what you can do something about.  In this instance you cannot control or make things better for them (they need to work this out) but you can control the impact it is having on you to some degree by expressing yourself to them and asking them to respect your needs and what that involves.



    Best wishes Ruth, and remember, focus on what you can control - otherwise you will only end up feeling depleted, furstrated and sad.

    Take care of yourself,

    Nicole
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  • Image of Kathryn Randal

    Kathryn Randal

    Healthshare Member
    I totally agree. I used to become involved and try to be the peacemaker in fights involving my two adult offspring. I have learnt that it is not something I can control and in fact creates more hostility when I got involved. This made me feel very anxious and sad as well. I have learnt to step back and let them sort it out (or not) and the world didn't cave in..in fact my world got much better with far less stress and a better relationship both of them. It is hard to do but you do need to ask them to take it elsewhere and not involve you or your personal space or alternatively walk away from it. You will be so much better off for it.
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