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  Dr Carla Rogers (Psychologist)
  Health Professional

  A psychologist for 20 years and a mum for nearly 7, I have a strong interest in helping to make families happier, healthier and stronger. ... View profile

  Hi there,
  I'm not sure I can specifically answer this question, but the first thing i thought when I read your question was “why don't you want to ask her details?”.  I believe in our culture that we are very quiet when it comes to grief - we allow people to just sit in their own space and don't ‘want to intrude’. 
  
  Can I suggest that you simply ask her first whether she'd like to speak about it - as someone who has experienced grief, as well as a mental health professional, I know that sometimes people are just crying out to talk about their grief, but everyone is too scared to ask.  Simply asking your friend - ‘would you like to talk about losing your baby’ - it gives her the opening to say “no” or “gosh yes, I really DO need to speak about it”.
  
  As for what she went through - she is grieving.  She lost a baby.  Sure, she hadn't met this baby, but she had if you know what I mean.  She had anticipated meeting this growing life form inside of her for 9 months… and then suddenly there was no live baby to take home.  She left the hospital with no baby.  She got to explain to everyone who wasn't directly told that she her baby had died.  There is never a ‘too late’ when it comes to this.  A mum at our school recently lost a baby in January.  The other day I checked in with her whether she was doing ok, and reminded her if she ever wanted to chat over coffee, just give me a call.  Your friend will experience sadness, anger, denial… finally acceptance. 
  
  I'm not sure I've answered your question, but I hope you feel more able to a) approach your friend and check she's okay rather than just being quiet because you're afraid to mention it, and b) understand that she is grieving just the same as she if grieving if she'd lost a 5 year old child.
  
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